


She crept up on me (but I hit her like a train)

by Ilias



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, References to Drugs, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-05-28 06:14:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6317914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilias/pseuds/Ilias
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke heads to college after a tough summer. Quickly, she finds herself loving her new life and making new friends. It all takes a turn when she spots the girl she will never take her eyes off again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!
> 
> This is my first fic and I'm very excited about it!  
> Huge thanks to @kewankomtrikru for all the support, tips and being the best Beta anyone could wish for!
> 
> I hope you enjoy, I have a two week break coming up, so I should be able to add new chapters fairly soon.
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment or come find me on tumblr @eva-blr if you want to!
> 
> \- E

Looking out the car window, Clarke felt a strange sensation she’d never felt before. It was a feeling she couldn’t quite put her finger on, sadness but also excitement, a heart full of joy yet still empty. She shook it off. After all, she was going to college and she needed to focus on that, the present. Not the past.

Abby looked at her from the driver’s seat, a subtle hint of worry on her face Clarke didn’t fail to notice.

“What’s on your mind, sweetie?”

“I’m fine, mom, relax. It’s just –“

Clarke stopped. No need to go there. Definitely not now, that’s for sure. She and her mother should relish the excitement of Clarke going to college, starting her own life away from home, moving on.

Abby pulled up to the building Clarke would be spending most of her time in for the following year.

“So, here we are. Do you want me to help you get settled, or are we saying our goodbyes right now?”

Clarke considered letting her mom help her set up her dorm room, unpacking and decorating the place to make it more like her own room instead of some generic one. She couldn’t, though. It was her life now, and she had to start living it. That meant doing things on her own (as if she hadn’t been doing that for the past three years).

“No mom, I’ll be fine. Thanks for driving me here, though.”

“Ok, sweetie. Am I allowed to help you get your stuff out of the car?”

“Sure, ma. But I can carry everything up there myself.”

They got out of the car, unloaded the suitcases, boxes and the little plant Clarke had taken care of for three years now. It meant too much to her, she couldn’t possibly leave it at home.

“Well, sweetie, good luck. I don’t think I need to remind you to have fun?”

“Thanks, mom. Again, I’ll be fine.”

“Well, call me if you’re settled, ok? I’d like to know how everything is in there.”

“I will, don’t worry.” Clarke grew more confident and excited by the minute. She hugged Abby tightly, kissed her cheek and said “Goodbye, mom. I’ll talk to you soon, and I’ll be back for Thanksgiving before you know it.”

Abby teared up a little as she touched Clarke’s cheek. “Goodbye, sweetie. I love you. Don’t hesitate to call me if you want to.”

“I love you too.” Clarke took a step back and picked up all of her stuff, the plant on top swaying dangerously. With a smirk, she said “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to register at the front desk and finally discover what college life is like.”

Abby laughed at the sight. “Well then, I’m going back home. Enjoy yourself, sweetie.”

Clarke waved as her mother drove past and away. She carefully walked up to the building, a suitcase in one hand, the other hand supporting a stack of boxes with the plant on top. She managed to push open the door of the dorm with her foot, awkwardly shuffling inside. She looked for the registration desk, but was surprised to find nothing but a few couches and a bulletin board with only one sheet of paper attached to it. Clarke put down her stuff and walked up to the board, where she saw all the names of the students with a room number next to it. She quickly found hers, 214.

Well, shit. That meant carrying everything up two flights of stairs. She wouldn’t be bothered by the outside noise from the street, though. Then, Clarke’s gaze landed on the other name appointed to 214: Octavia Blake. Her name sounded cool, hopefully the girl was too.

When Clarke finally managed to get to her room, the door was already open and a girl, whom Clarke presumed to be Octavia, was humming as she stuck countless pictures to the wall on her side of the room. Clarke entered, put down her stuff and wiped off the layer of sweat on her forehead. As she turned around to introduce herself to the girl, she found Octavia already looking at her with the broadest smile she’d ever seen.

“Hi there! I’m Octavia, nice to meet you! You’re my roomie, right?”

“Yep, that would be me,” Clarke smiled, “I’m Clarke, by the way, nice to meet you too, Octavia!”

She extended her hand, but Octavia pulled her into a tight hug. Clarke was surprised at first, but settled into the warm embrace quickly.

“So, what’s your major?” Octavia asked, pulling back.

“Art,” replied Clarke, “what about you? No, wait, let me guess… “ she took a brief look at Octavia, but that didn’t clear anything up. Clarke decided to just guess.

“Maybe communication?” she spoke hesitantly, watching as Octavia’s grin widened even more.

“Holy shit, it is! Well, looks like you already know me! Now, since we’re going to be here unpacking and decorating, how about I put on some tunes?”

“Sounds like a plan, O. Can I call you O? I mean, if it’s weird or you –“

Octavia chuckled. “Relax, Clarke, I like it. My brother calls me that too, actually.” She sighed, but her face quickly brightened again “So, let’s get this party started!”

Clarke and Octavia chatted away and as their boxes emptied, Clarke felt her heart filling with joy. If this was what college was like, she could get used to it.

They had been dancing for over two hours now. At first she was a bit nervous, but Clarke quickly loosened up when she saw how Octavia was unapologetically shaking every part of her body to the beat. It looked ridiculous, yes, yet she couldn’t help but join her, dancing like no one was watching.

They shook their butts to some rap song (and both failed horribly), twirled around like ballerinas to classical and finally waltzed through their dorm together. Then, Clarke tripped over a box and the pair ungraciously tumbled to the ground. Octavia kept a straight face for one second, but then immediately threw her head back, shaking with laughter.

Clarke rolled her eyes and grumbled as she tried to get up again, but couldn’t suppress her smile completely. Octavia grabbed her hand, pulling her up.

“Now, let’s grab some dinner, I’m starving and I spotted a pizza place not far from here,” Octavia said, “sound good?”

“I’m basically a pizza addict, so that’s hardly a question.” Clarke responded, grinning widely.

Octavia returned the smile. “That makes two of us, then.”

They grabbed their coats, wallets and keys, and for the rest of the night the pair bonded over hot slices of heaven.


	2. Life of the Party

The next two weeks flew by, as Clarke and Octavia slowly but surely got the hang of their classes. They even shared one, History of European art and culture, but sadly the lecturer was able to turn such an interesting topic into a sleep inducing bore fest, resulting in Clarke and Octavia just doodling, chatting and looking around for hot guys. And girls.

“Wow, ok look to your left, a few rows down. She. Is. Stunning.” Clarke whispered into Octavia’s ear.

“Wait, ‘she’? I don’t –“ Octavia paused. “Oh. Oh!”

Clarke chuckled as she saw the realisation eventually dawn on Octavia.

“So miss Griffin here swings both ways! How come you’re only telling me this now?!”

“I don’t know, O, it never came up. Does it matter that much to you?”

Octavia shrugged. “I don’t mind at all. Honestly, I’d say it only makes you cooler.” Octavia’s mouth curled into a smirk. “You do realise you’re going to have to tell me everything right now? You can’t just drop that bomb and expect me to go on with my life. Spill the beans!”    

Clarke obliged and spent the rest of class filling Octavia in on all of her past lovers, but every once in a while her eyes drifted back to the beautiful girl a few rows down.

Obviously that didn’t slip past Octavia unnoticed, but she only spoke up after class had ended. “Usually, when people have a conversation, they maintain eye contact. Still looking at your hot crush over there?” Octavia teased as they packed their stuff and went to leave the auditorium.

“So you think she’s hot, too? Need to confess something as well, O?” Clarke wiggled her eyebrows.

“Haha, very funny. I know a hot chick when I see one, alright? I can appreciate it, even though it’s not my cup of tea.” Octavia responded.

“Fair enough.” Clarke conceded.

Clarke looked over one last time before completely exiting the auditorium, somehow feeling sad the girl hadn’t noticed her staring. Not once had she turned to look back at Clarke.

Or so she thought. What Clarke had failed to see was that each time her eyes returned to Octavia, and occasionally the lecturer, the girl had stared right back full of awe.

…

“This is amazing. Can’t we just lie here forever?” Clarke sighed. She and Octavia lay side by side, stretched out on the grass field next to their dorm, enjoying the afternoon sun. Even though they were just two weeks in, they were already burdened with all kinds of tasks, essays and, in Clarke’s case, art pieces, all of which they had yet to complete.

“You know,” Octavia started, “we haven’t been to any parties yet. No offense, this,” she pointed at Clarke and herself, “has been great fun, but don’t you want to get hammered and dance all night long? It’s been so long since I’ve had a drink that wasn’t coffee and who knows, we might bump into some cool people along the way. Also, you told me about your beer pong skills, but how can I believe that if you don’t show me?”

Right when Octavia finished her plea, a girl came up to them. “You ladies up for some fun later tonight? My friends and I are having a little party and we’d love to see your sexy faces there. It’ll be the best time you’ve ever had. I’m Raven, by the way.” The girl stated confidently as she winked at Octavia.

Before Clarke could say anything, Octavia responded. “We’d love to. Name a time and place and we’ll be there, Raven.” She said, returning Raven’s wink.

“Great! Can I have your numbers, I’ll text you the details.”

Wow, this one was forward, Clarke thought. Octavia seemed to like her, though. Maybe she wasn’t so straight after all.

They exchanged numbers and when Raven had walked away, Clarke poked at Octavia’s side. “So, still convinced you’re not into girls, too? I mean, hot damn, only a dead body could have missed the sparks flying.”

“Oh please, I was just being nice. I don’t know about you, but generally when meeting new people I’m nice to them.” Octavia tried to sound casual and quickly changed the topic. “But there we have it! Time to get up and get your glam on, Griffin, because we’re going out tonight!” She jumped up and pulled Clarke up with her. “Also, maybe your crush from class is there and you can go up to her and make your move.” Clarke rolled her eyes at that, ignoring how her heart involuntarily skipped a beat.

“Same goes for you, you could go for the hot chick that invited us, or maybe that guy from class is there as well.”

“Well, maybe we should start with the first hard choice: our outfits.”

Clarke laughed and together they headed back to their dorm room, Octavia excitedly chatting up a storm about what to wear.

…

“We look amazing.” Octavia admired herself in the mirror. “Correction: we look hot.”

Clarke glanced at her watch. It didn’t match her outfit at all, but it was her father’s and she had promised herself to never take it off. “Stop drooling over yourself, O, we’re going to be late and I know you’d hate to disappoint Raven.”

Both clad in formfitting skinny jeans and loose yet low cut t-shirts, they left the dorm. The walk to the party ended up taking less than 5 minutes and soon the girls were engulfed by booming music and the pungent smell of beer and cigarettes. “Let’s get drinks!” Octavia suggested, but Clarke’s gaze wasn’t focused on the bottles of liquor. “You do that, O, but be sure to come back quickly. I’m so going to own all of these suckers and prove I’m the beer pong queen for once and for all.” She stated, pointing to a group of people huddled around a table, cheering every time a ball hit its mark.

Octavia grinned, nodded and pushed through the dense pack of people to get a drink, while Clarke headed the opposite way confidently. Once there, she spotted Raven, squinting her eyes in concentration. She threw the ball, nailing her mark as the ball fell into her opponent’s cup with grace. “Heck yeah, down it, Jasper! Told you I’d beat you at this, no one’s ever defeated me. I’m the queen!” Raven exclaimed dramatically, earning cheers from her side of the table. Jasper glared at her angrily as he downed his last cup. “Come on, Monty, let’s go find Anya, she said she’d have some pot.” Jasper told his friend, taking him by his arm and pulling him away from the table where he’d just lost his pride.

“Let me put that to the test.” Clarke spoke as she eyed Raven, challenging her. “Well, well, look who we have here! Don’t act cocky before the game, it’ll make losing even more embarrassing.” Raven responded, giving Clarke a daring wink. “Oh please, you’re all talk no game, let me show you how it’s done, babe.”

Raven was now looking at Clarke boldly, one eyebrow raised. “Ok then, Clarke, show me what you got. I would go easy on you, but since you insist on being so great… Prepare yourself.”

By this time, Octavia had returned, a drink in her hand. She’d witnessed the stare-off between Raven and Clarke, and couldn’t help but feel the tingling when she looked at Raven being so stubborn. She blamed the alcohol.

The game was fierce, both Raven and Clarke managed to get some great shots in, but now the tension was at an all-time high. The crowd gathered around them held their breath, as Clarke looked at Raven defiantly. “Not so confident now, are we?” No response, only a nervous glare. Raven only had one cup left, whereas Clarke still had three. If she nailed this throw, Raven would lose and would undoubtedly be pissed at her. Clarke didn’t care. She had to prove Octavia that she was the undisputable champion.

As her ball hit its mark, falling into the cup, the crowd went wild, cheering for the winner. Raven downed the beer and went up to Clarke, looking rather displeased. She took Clarke by surprise, however, when she said “Great job, Griffin. Now, let’s get some more drinks to celebrate that there’s a new champ at Polis!” The crowd cheered at that statement and started scattering around the room since the spectacle was now over.

“Wait, you’re not mad?” Clarke asked tentatively. Raven rolled her eyes and sighed. “I’m not a sore loser, Griffin. Yeah, I’m bummed you beat me, but at least now I have a friend who I can team up with and defeat everyone else. We’ll be unstoppable together!” Raven said, a large grin on her face. She held up her hand for a high five, which Clarke gladly returned.

“Oh my god, this is my jam!” Octavia exclaimed, excitedly jumping up and down. “Let’s dance!” Clarke answered. The trio moved to where a group of people were moving their sweaty bodies to the beat and started doing the same. All of them had some pretty good moves and were taking turns showing them off to each other. They had been dancing for a while when Clarke spotted the girl she’d been staring at her whole morning. She poked Octavia’s side. “She’s here, what do I do?” Octavia smiled, seeing a normally confident Clarke turn into a nervous mess was quite the sight. “Go up to her, silly!” she said, and she pushed her friend into the right direction. Clarke turned to Octavia with a tiny smile. “I’m going for it.”

When she turned around again after finally gathering the courage to introduce herself, the girl was gone.

…

The rest of the night was a blur, Clarke, Octavia and Raven all got irresponsibly intoxicated, but luckily that was the case for everyone else too. That meant no one would remember how Octavia tried to climb on a table to dance on it, but ended up flipping the table and hitting the ground face first, resulting in both of her friends dying with laughter. After they’d made sure she was fine, of course. Or how Raven insisted she was in fact a raven and wanted to prove it by showing off she could fly. She had climbed the stairs to do so, but had luckily tripped before she could actually make the jump, which would have been far more damaging than gliding down the stairs on her butt. Clarke had yet to embarrass herself, mostly because she was constantly looking for her crush. She never spotted her.

When 5 o’ clock rolled around, Clarke and Octavia finally decided it was time to head home and get some sleep before Clarke’s 9 am philosophy class and Octavia’s 10 am class on international relations. If they would even be able to make it there, that is. Raven had just crashed on the couch, which was fine. The party had been at her place after all.

After sloppily stumbling home, Clarke fumbled with the keys to her and Octavia’s dorm. It took roughly 2 minutes to slide it in and twist it correctly, and when the pair entered, both instantly fell asleep once they’d hit their mattresses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! I hope you all enjoy the new material :)
> 
> Again, big thank you to @KewanKomTrikru she's a true hero
> 
> Feel free to leave comments or hmu on tumblr @eva-blr if you have questions!
> 
> \- E


	3. Awkward Encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy reading as much as I've enjoyed writing this!
> 
> As always, thanks to my awesome beta KewanKomTrikru :D
> 
> Leave a comment if you liked it and don't hesitate to hmu on tumblr (@eva-blr)
> 
> See you in a few days with a new update ;)
> 
> \- E

Clarke opened her eyes, but she immediately wished she hadn’t. Everything hurt. The sun coming through the gap in the curtains burned her eyes out of her skull, or that’s what it felt like at least. The sound of her alarm clock was deafening and she turned it off quickly. 8 o’ clock. Well, time to get up then. She doubted she could run an entire day on a little under 3 hours of sleep, but she figured she’d nap after this class. That should make up for it, right? Clarke pushed herself upright with her arms, swung her legs to the side of her bed and got up. Or, she tried to. Her head was spinning and her stomach felt like it was having wrestling match inside. Oh no. Oh god. With shaky legs, she sprinted to the sink and threw up whatever was left in her body from last night. Probably the 3 am pizza.

Octavia stirred in her sleep, but didn’t wake up. Lucky her, she still had another hour left, Clarke thought, gargling some water to rid her mouth of the foul taste. She quickly showered and got dressed, her body protested every step of the way, but Clarke persevered. No need to miss classes this early in the semester. She grabbed her notepad and a pen, threw them in her backpack along with a water bottle and left the dorm, careful not to wake Octavia.

Once Clarke arrived in the auditorium – definitely a personal victory considering the nausea that washed over her with every move she made – she wanted to sit in one of the back rows. Unfortunately, that would probably look weird with the amount of people that actually showed up for a 9 am class. Still, she sat as far back as she could without raising questions. Then, the lecturer started her discourse and Clarke felt sleep tugging at her eyelids. It took all of her energy to resist and keep listening to the explanation of Plato’s theories, but somehow, she managed. During the 10 minute break at 10 o’ clock, however, she dozed off.

“Excuse me. Could you –“

Clarke sat up immediately when she felt someone gently touching her shoulder, coaxing her to wake up. As she looked up, her heart skipped a beat.

“Could you let me pass through? I’m sorry to wake you, but my seat’s over there and I can only get to it through here.” She said softly.

It was the beautiful stranger. Oh god. Life seemed to be having a good laugh. Why would her crush bump into her when Clarke looked like absolute shit? Well she didn’t really know, she hadn’t looked in the mirror this morning, but she could guess.

It started to take a little too long for Clarke to answer, but she couldn’t help it. Those eyes, dear god those eyes. Green like she’d never seen before, with gold specs littered throughout. Her gaze was intense, too. Like orbs looking at her – no right through her – piercing her soul, her very being.

A raised eyebrow from the girl took her out of her trance, only then she realised she’d been staring unapologetically, mouth slightly opened.

“Sorry, I’ll just –“ Clarke started clumsily, scrambling for words. She quickly grabbed her stuff, dropping a pen along the way, to make way for the girl. When she passed, her hand almost brushed against Clarke’s. She could practically feel the warmth of the girl’s hand on her own and it sent shivers down her spine.

“You dropped this.” The girl handed her the pen, her face devoid of emotion, it would seem. It threw Clarke off a little.

“Thank you.” She managed to get out. She looked up, trying to gather her thoughts. “I’m sorry, yesterday was, well –“ she started again, but then she saw the girl had already moved on and taken her seat. Disappointment stung in Clarke’s chest, but at that point the lecturer had started talking again, so she ignored the pain and started taking notes.

Throughout the entire hour that followed, Clarke couldn’t stop herself from throwing glances at the girl every few minutes. Each time she did, it felt like the girl turned her head away from her, as though she’d been staring herself. It was probably Clarke imagining things, though, with the amount of sleep she’d had last night. This girl hadn’t exactly looked lovingly into her eyes, she definitely wouldn’t be staring at Clarke during class. Right?

When class had ended, Clarke gathered her stuff and got up to exit the building and grab some lunch with Octavia, whose class was only an hour long instead of two. Again, lucky her. Before leaving, she glanced back at the girl one last time, but couldn’t find her among the crowd. Damn it. She needed to find her, to get her name, something, anything. But she was nowhere to be found and besides, Clarke would have to muster up the courage to go up to her and actually look into her eyes without losing the ability to speak. That would probably take a while. For now, she could just dream about her, her eyes – my god those eyes.

A text from Octavia took her out of it and made her chuckle. Clarke was so glad they were roommates – now also newfound best friends.

 

 **O** _If you aren’t rolling around in bed with that crush of yours you have no excuse to be late. DON’T MAKE ME WAIT GRIFFIN I’M HUNGRY_

 

Clarke quickly typed out a reply.

 

 **Griffin**    _Relax O, omw_

Smiling, she stuffed her hands in her pockets for warmth and made her way over to the cafeteria.

…

“Wait, so she woke you up, asked you to move over and then nothing? You weren’t able to slip in a little ‘oh by the way, I’m Clarke, nice to meet you’? Come on, Griffin, you disappoint me.” Octavia said, dropping a cherry tomato into her mouth.

“Give me a break, I was still a bit hungover, that’s not exactly when I’m at my best. I’m surprised I made it all the way through class without puking, if I’m being honest.” Clarke replied. “Ugh, don’t remind me. I woke up to that sound and I won’t let you ruin my appetite again today.” Octavia grimaced, shuddering at the thought.

“You ladies up for another fun night?” Raven proposed as she plumped down on the chair next to Octavia, bringing along an entire pizza and the biggest cup of coffee Clarke had ever seen. “Geez, you two don’t take it well, do you?” she chuckled, looking at the pale faces of her friends, who were now glaring at her. Octavia raised an eyebrow at her and Clarke just rolled her eyes and continued eating. Raven took a big gulp from her coffee and sighed, eyes closed. She opened her mouth to say something, but Octavia beat her to it. “It was great, we just – let’s just say it had been a while for the both of us,” Clarke nodded at that, mouth full of food, “and we might have gone a little overboard.”

They ate in silence after that, enjoying the calm. “Maybe,” Clarke said after swallowing her last bite, “we should have a movie night at our dorm tonight. We can just relax, hang out and eat. Sounds like a plan?” Both of the other girls nodded in agreement. “I’ll order us pizza!” Raven added excitedly. “But you’re having pizza right now?” Octavia protested. Raven shrugged. “Anyway,” Clarke continued, “Raven, meet you at seven, our place?” She couldn’t help but notice how this arrangement had boosted both Raven’s and Octavia’s mood.

“See you guys then! Now, I’m off to do some engineering and hopefully create some explosions.”

“Make it go boom, Raven!” Octavia shouted right before Raven exited the cafeteria. She turned around and winked at Octavia, making the girl blush in response.

“Still not crushing?” Clarke teased, grinning widely. “Cut it out, let me live.” Octavia grumbled. She couldn’t wipe the smile from her face for the rest of the day, though.

…

That night the girls all huddled together on Clarke’s bed, laptop on a chair opposite it. They munched on delicious slices of pizza while watching the first and second Harry Potter, thoroughly enjoying the nostalgia that came with it.

Throughout the night, Clarke felt Octavia progressively move further away from her and closer to Raven, but she didn’t say anything about it then. She just smiled, knowing that in a few days, Octavia would start talking without Clarke telling her to do so, and she’d finally confess what had been obvious all along.


	4. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it continues... In Lexa's POV!
> 
> I hope you enjoy, as always KewanKomTrikru, you amazing person you, thank you for being the best ^_^
> 
> \- E

Why did this always happen to her? What had she done to deserve to suffer like this? College had gone smoothly for about one week. One week. That’s when she’d seen her in class, blonde wavy locks bouncing as she laughed, piercing blue eyes roaming the auditorium, her gaze claiming everything it came across. Even from afar, Lexa was drowning in the those deep ocean blue pools. It haunted her, made her think things, feel things she’d been avoiding for so long. Since that day, she had felt those eyes, always present in her mind. They followed her day and night and bore into her skull – well, not literally, of course, but still. It made her skin crawl, she didn’t ask for this. She’d been careful to hide it from her two best friends, Anya and Lincoln. All three of them had known each other basically from birth. Lexa and Lincoln always had been buddies, but in high school Anya joined their little group and from then on, they’d been inseparable.

That’s why Lexa’s attempts at hiding her crush – was it just a crush, though? It felt like it went far deeper then ‘just a crush’ if Lexa thought about how it was taking over her life – had been futile. Lincoln almost instantly caught on the day it started, in class, when he noticed Lexa’s otherwise focused stare drifting off and her notepad remaining painfully empty. During the halfway break, he confronted her.

“What exactly are you doing, Lexa? If you were planning on daydreaming this entire time, you could’ve just stayed in bed, you know.” He chuckled softly.

It took her a little too long to respond with “What – no I’m fine, just tired I guess.” She yawned and rested her face in her hands.

“Look, let’s face it, that blonde girl over there has clearly caught your undivided attention for about an hour now. Seems to me like you’re crushing, Lexa.” Lincoln nudged her side, smiling widely.

At that, Lexa froze, staring straight ahead. It was a touchy subject for her and the last thing she needed was for her friend to comment on it. “I’m not,” she replied harshly, “can we get back to concentrating and taking notes again?” It took all of her strength to not let the tears welling in her eyes roll down her cheeks.

Lincoln nodded briefly, understanding the subject was off the table. For now, at least. They spent the next hour silently scribbling notes on paper. He didn’t forget, though. He knew they’d somehow come back to it later.

…

It was 10 o’ clock at night, when someone suddenly knocked on Lexa’s door. “Come in.” She was studying in her sweatpants and wearing glasses, preparing an English literature class for next week – well, actually she had already read way ahead of the lectures, and was currently going over the material that was supposed to be taught in November. It was September. Anya barged in and plopped down on her bed. “God, you’re such a nerd. You have to stop drowning yourself in preparatory work and start living. Luckily, your best friend has a plan. Take off those glasses, put on your sexy pants and let’s go, we’re going out tonight, commander!” Anya then took the book from Lexa’s hands and glanced over the pages. “We won’t even get to this chapter until… Well I don’t know when, which means you’re way too far ahead. Live a little, Lexa.” She sighed, looking sincerely into the other girl’s eyes, and closed the book.

“Why do we need to go? I’m kinda tired anyways, don’t really feel like going out tonight.” Lexa said, as she faked a yawn, stretching her arms above her head. It wouldn’t have fooled anyone, Lexa being the worst liar to ever roam the earth, and it certainly didn’t fool Anya. “Either you get up yourself or I’m dragging you there! We. Are. Going. Out. Period.”

“Is Lincoln coming too? I don’t want to be left alone standing in a corner, while you’re out doing all kinds of shady business. If you’re planning on doing that, I’m staying in.” Lexa stated, crossing her arms.

“First of all, it’s how I make money. Secondly, yes, Linc is coming, no need to worry, you won’t be left alone. I know how much you hate that, but I do really need to get some cash flowing if I don’t want to live off of water from the tap for the next week or so.” Anya sighed and rubbed her forehead.

“I know, I’m sorry, I’ll make myself presentable. Want anything while you wait for me?” Lexa proposed.

“I brought my own, but thank you, Lex.” Anya said with a smirk, as she pulled up a bottle of cheap vodka and took a swig, grunting as the alcohol went down her throat with a burning sensation.

Lexa shook her head with a smile on her face and proceeded to get dressed. She was actually glad she could take a little break, not per se because she was tired of studying, but she thought it might help take her mind of certain things. A certain blonde, more specifically. As much as Lexa hated admitting it to herself and as much as she’d tried to suppress it, there wasn’t a moment in her day where those blue eyes didn’t show up, even in the back of her mind. Or where she’d hear the ghost of her laugh, and she’d involuntarily smile, loving the sound of her happiness.

She really needed to get it together, this wasn’t healthy. Lexa didn’t even know her name, for God’s sake.

…

The party was alright, Anya had left almost immediately after they’d walked in, off to sell her pot to her weekly customers, Jasper and Monty, and a bunch of others whose names Anya hadn’t mentioned. So now Lincoln and Lexa were chatting, leaning against a wall with drinks in their hands. At one point in the conversation, a comfortable silence occurred, and Lexa’s gaze started to drift across the room. They were at the house of one of Anya’s friends, Raven. Lexa didn’t really know her, but Anya had pointed at her when they arrived. At that time, the girl was occupied with an intense game of beer pong against a lanky guy, who Anya had told her was Jasper. Lexa didn’t really pay attention to them after Anya had left, but now her gaze fell on the table filled with cups. Only this time, Raven wasn’t playing against Jasper anymore, but against a girl with wavy blonde locks, just like – wait, no, that couldn’t be. She was here? Lexa felt annoyed for some reason, she didn’t ask for this, but at the same time, butterflies filled her stomach and made her eyelids flutter. She was here. Lincoln noticed her staring and decided to confront her. He was tired of waiting for his friend to confess her hard to miss crush.

“Ah, she’s here too. Time to make your move, Casanova!” He poked her shoulder softly, a gentle smile on his face.

“How did you – whatever, I’m not going over, I’m not ready to, not after –“ Lexa swallowed what she was about to say. After two years, she could manage thinking about what happened, but actually saying her name still brought tears to her eyes, so discussing it wasn’t an option. Not now and, if it was up to Lexa, not ever. She’d rather everyone would just collectively forget. Lincoln caught on and tried to change the subject, but Lexa beat him to it.

“Excuse me, I need to – bathroom.” She clumsily mumbled. She nearly sprinted off and once she’d closed the bathroom door behind her, she leaned her back against it and slid down, softly sobbing.

Costia. Oh sweet, sweet Costia. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Lexa knew her warm hazelnut eyes would’ve hardened if she knew what Lexa was doing – had been doing for the past two years. Costia’s death had had quite the effect on her. On the one hand, Lexa was crushed – even now. It was her first love after all, the only person she’d ever found complete solace with. But she’d never actually spoken about those feelings, not to Anya, not to Lincoln – the only ones who even knew Lexa and Costia were dating – not to anyone. That didn’t mean her friends were oblivious to the effect it had had on Lexa – she’d never smiled as much as she had then. To the outside world, it had seemed as though nothing had happened besides the loss of a classmate. Lexa had pokerfaced her way through it all, not betraying what went on beneath that veil, the inner struggle always present under her skin, the hurt and sorrow eating her alive. Locking away all that pain wasn’t healthy. Not talking about it, knowing full well both of her close friends would understand and support her, wasn’t healthy. Now, that was taking its toll. She had never properly processed it and even though she wouldn’t admit it, it was affecting her current life.

After a good 10 minutes of trying to get it together again, she got up and fixed her hair and make-up. She tried to walk towards Lincoln as casually as possible, but when she got there, the only thing she could see was the beautiful blonde, who was currently dancing with Raven and her other friend.

Lincoln tapped on her shoulder. “You ok? Want to go home?” Lexa noticed only then that she’d been standing there, staring at the girl for a while now. Luckily, Lincoln was there to take her out of her daze. This is why they’d been friends since forever. Lincoln didn’t need any words to understand what was going on beneath the surface. He saw and he knew. She then turned towards him and nodded, and right at that moment the girl returned Lexa’s stare. It went unnoticed.

…

Lexa had immediately crawled into her bed when she came home. It wasn’t that late, she could still get a good night’s rest in for her philosophy class in the morning. She couldn’t quite fall asleep right then, though. The blonde was haunting her again and Lexa knew what she had to do to make it stop. That being what she always did. Try to forget it. Besides, her heart belonged to Costia, always had, always would. This blonde was good looking, sure, but the girl was merely a distraction, period. She’d suppress whatever feelings had arisen like it never even happened, and all would be just fine. The thought comforted her, despite her knowing, in the back of her mind, that wouldn’t work, not this time. It did temporarily calm her down, though, because at that point her eyelids grew heavy, her breaths evened and she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on tumblr @ eva-blr or leave me a comment, always happy to hear what you have to say!
> 
> Also, prepare for an update very, very soon...
> 
> \- E


	5. Face to face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, another update today! I was feeling it, what can I say...  
> It's a bit shorter than usual, but nevertheless, enjoy!
> 
> KewanKomTrikru, still the best in the world, can't express how happy I am with you ^_^
> 
> \- E

A steaming cup of tea in her hands, Lexa calmly made her way over to the building for her lecture, sleep still weighing heavily on her eyes. Normally, she and Lincoln would go together, but today he’d texted her to meet him there. Upon entering, she saw Lincoln was sitting in the last occupied row, all the way to the right against the wall. Looking around the auditorium, she saw it was practically empty compared to the other day. Looks like 9 o’ clock classes aren’t all that popular, she thought to herself while shuffling past a few people to get to her friend.

“Morning,” Lincoln said, his voice hoarse and groggy, “sleep well?” Lexa chuckled at her friend, who despite being a morning person now seemed to be the exact opposite of that. “I did, yeah. You, not so much it would seem.” She said, a small smile on her lips. “Decided to go back to Raven’s once I’d dropped you off at your dorm. Figured a few more hours of partying wouldn’t hurt. I was wrong.” He wiped his eyes in an effort to wake up. He then gave up and lay his head on the table, so he could nap.

“I’ll send my notes, go catch some z’s, dummy.” She joked. Halfway through class, the lecturer was kind enough to give the students a much needed 5 minute break. Lexa needed to pee really badly from all the tea she’d been downing in an attempt to stay focused and warm. She looked to her left – the only way she could go without having to climb over chairs. It was filled with sleeping people, though. Climb over the row it is, then.

When Lexa returned, her and Lincoln’s row was empty, except for Lincoln and – oh no. There she was again, the girl who terrorised her thoughts and dreams. Her head was rested on her table, her mouth slightly opened as she slept. Even now, she looked amazing, Lexa thought involuntarily. No. Don’t go there. She had decided to drop it, and drop it she would. She really didn’t want to disturb the girl – or have to face her, for that matter, which would make it harder to suppress her thoughts. But now, Lexa saw, the row behind hers was also filled with people. She had to pass the girl, there was no way around it. She took a deep breath, put on her brave face and strode forwards. Lexa tapped the girl on her shoulder, soft enough to be kind, but firm enough to wake her up.

“Excuse me. Could you –“

The girl woke up, startled. Lexa patiently waited for her to say something, but they ended up staring at each other, just a little too long for it to be normal. The girl peered straight into her eyes, as if she could see Lexa’s very thoughts, her mouth slightly opened. Normally, Lexa would’ve smiled at something like that, but now, she didn’t allow herself to show anything. Her face remained emotionless, something she’d done so often on purpose that now it had become a natural response. The silence and the staring were giving her the jitters, she wasn’t prepared for this at all, so she raised an eyebrow. Was the girl going to say anything?

It took a few more seconds for the girl to snap out of her daze and speak. “Sorry, I’ll just –“

She stood up hastily and clumsily, grabbed all of her stuff, dropping a pen in the process, and made way for Lexa to pass. When she did, their hands almost touched. Lexa felt the other girl’s warmth and it sent shivers down her spine. That happened on accident, right?

Not feeling anything was proving to be very, very hard. She couldn’t fully adapt the role of cold hearted bitch today, like she’d always done, so she bent over to grab the pen the girl dropped and returned it to her.

“You dropped this.”

Again, it took a while for the girl to answer, seemingly lost in Lexa’s eyes. That couldn’t be it, though. It was probably just her being sleepy after waking up mere seconds ago.

“Thank you.”

Suddenly, Lexa was overcome with emotion, even though her face showed no trace of it. She ignored the voice in her head that urged her to ask the girl’s name and took off. She had to get away. She sat down a little too harshly and woke up Lincoln, who obviously saw something was off.

“Lex, what’s wrong?” he asked sleepily. She looked him in the eyes, hers filled with tears at the brink of overflowing. Lincoln slung his arm over her shoulder and gently patted her back, comforting her. This wasn’t going well. Not at all.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some kudos or comment if you liked!  
> You're also always welcome to hmu on tumblr, look for eva-blr
> 
> See you soon for chapter 6!
> 
> \- E


	6. Late nights and lightweights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it took me quite a while to update, and I'm terribly sorry (what can I say, I'm
> 
> Apart from that little bump in the road, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> \- E

It was a beautiful day outside and Clarke was taking advantage of that to work on her art project. It was only due in a few weeks, but starting early wouldn’t hurt. She knew from experience that creativity was fickle, so she should work on her art every time she felt inspired.

She was sat cross legged on a bench under a big tree, sketchbook on her lap and a pencil in her hand. This was her favourite spot to draw, she almost always went up here after finding it early on in the semester. It wasn’t all that busy, but occasionally a few people would pass, sometimes sparking Clarke’s inspiration. Not only was it rather quiet, the spot was ideal for watching sunsets, the bench being on top of a hill overlooking campus. At this point, Clarke had already finished a few sketches, showcasing the view. None of them felt right, though, for some reason. She put her notepad and pencil down and closed her eyes, trying to think of things to draw. In no time, they were there, staring at her. They never left, not since she’d seen them. Nothing could ever compare to those eyes, a beautiful green, gold specs littered throughout. Even thinking of them, Clarke’s heart started racing and her mouth felt dry. Well then, time to draw.

…

A few hours later, Clarke had made copious amounts of drawings, mostly of the girl’s eyes, but also of her face. She’d only seen her a few times, but her face was already engrained in her mind. She gathered up her stuff to make her way back to the dorms, since it was getting dark. Octavia had promised to make dinner tonight and Clarke’s stomach growled at the thought of it.

Once she put her key in the door, a lovely smell wafted into her nose.

“You lazy lil’ shit. You promised to cook, not get pizza from the shop a few streets down!” Clarke exclaimed, jokingly poking Octavia’s shoulder.

“Well, I love pizza, you love pizza, Raven loves pizza… So, why not?” she responded.

Well, well. Raven was coming too, what a coincidence. Clarke raised an eyebrow at her friend, who pretended not to notice, suddenly very occupied with the boxes containing their meal.

“Octavia, we’re not doing this now, but when Raven leaves, we are _so_ discussing whatever is going on between the two of you.” Octavia shot her a look. “Don’t look at me like that, we both know she’s into you as much as you are into her. It’s blatantly obvious, the entire campus probably already knows. You two can’t take your eyes off each other when the other one’s around.” Clarke chuckled.

Before Octavia could open her mouth to protest, someone knocked on the door.

“Ah, there you are! Come in, Reyes.” Clarke opened the door so Raven could enter. As she walked in, Clarke looked at Octavia, who was now completely focused on the other girl.

“Yes, pizza!” Raven exclaimed happily, immediately digging into the boxes, eager as ever.

Once the three of them were comfortable sitting on the couch, enjoying their meal, Raven asked the other two a question.

“So, are you ladies coming to my place tonight for the party? It’s going to be great, I’ve made sure there’s beer pong,” Raven eyed Clarke with a smug grin, “and I got some good friends of mine to make us all the best cocktails you will ever have. No nasty, cheap beer that tastes like piss.”

Clarke and Octavia laughed, and the latter was quick to reply.

“Of course we’re coming, silly,” gently poking Raven, sending a wave of warmth through her, “we just treated you with this amazing dinner. Now it’s time for you to return the favour.” She said, eyebrow quirked up, challenging her.

Raven, who was sitting in the middle, took the other two by surprise when she threw her arms around them and pulled them in for a group hug. “You guys are the best! Now, let’s get ready. We need to look bangin’.”

…

The party had been going for a while now and everyone was at least a few drinks in, with the dancing becoming progressively sloppier and sloppier. It was a smaller crowd than before, but still Raven’s dorm was packed with people.

Clarke, Raven and Octavia were celebrating Clarke’s beer pong victory by dancing as stupidly as possible, and their antics looked even worse since they were all rather intoxicated. After the song had ended, they went over to the bar. Octavia and Raven for more drinks, while Clarke had decided she’d had enough for the night, not wanting to wake up with a pounding head.

Raven’s friend poured Octavia and Raven some sort of radioactive looking concoction, which they were happy to down quickly. Raven didn’t even flinch, but Octavia wasn’t able to suppress a slight shudder as the alcohol burned her throat on its way down. Clarke chuckled as she sipped her water.

“Not a drinker?” the girl asked Clarke.

“I am, but I have to get that one home safely,” Clarke pointed at Octavia, “wouldn’t want her to wake up in a ditch somewhere.”

“Suit yourself, then. Just know you’re missing out.” Anya said.

Clarke paused for a moment, eyeing the other girl, when it clicked. “Wait, you’re Raven’s friend, right? I don’t think I’ve properly introduced myself, I’m Clarke.” She extended her hand, but to Clarke’s surprise, the other girl didn’t take it.

“I’m Anya.” She said dryly, not bothering to smile. She just gave her an unimpressed look.

Ok, so Anya was one of _those_ people. Someone who reserved her smile for a very select few. It didn’t bother Clarke, though. In fact, she had always respected people who weren’t so open about everything to everyone immediately. It made Clarke eager to get to know her, and now she was determined to discover more about Anya.

“So, how do you guys know each other?” Clarke asked tentatively, trying not to sound too nosy.

Anya raised an eyebrow at her, but still answered “She sat next to me in the library once and wouldn’t shut up about her ‘amazing party’ she’d be hosting that night.,” Clarke chuckled at that. “I told her to shut it, but she only conceded after she made me promise to come by. So I did.”

“Typical Raven. Kind of how O and I met her, too. We were just lying down outside when she walked over to invite us to her party. She was basically courting Octavia, it was hilarious.” Clarke laughed softly, the memory still fresh in her mind.

Now, a hint of a smile tugged at Anya’s mouth. “So you’re like the master of potions apparently?” Clarke joked. Anya, still not fully replied, “I’ll make you a mocktail? I don’t need alcohol to make it taste good,” Clarke laughed at that, looking down, and then challenged, “Really now? You sure are cocky.”

“Oh please.” Anya had a full smile on her lips. She started to prepare some sort of concoction again, this time without alcohol, her skilled hands working quickly but meticulously, adding all sorts of little extras to the mix.

“Wow, this is amazing? How do you even do that?” Clarke was in awe after her first sip.

Her comment elicited an actual chuckle from Anya. Clarke was proud of herself, she made the sceptic stoic laugh. What an achievement. She wanted to celebrate with some drinks, but she had to make sure that Octavia got home safely. She couldn’t just leave that girl, that would definitely go –

Unless, of course, she could convince her to stay at Raven’s. That wouldn’t take much, now would it? It would also mean that Octavia and Raven got some one on one time together. Clarke smiled at the thought. Yes, that would absolutely work, and she’d get a nice and quiet night of sleep, without a snoring Octavia. Clarke would never actually tell her friend, but the poor thing sounded like she was cutting down an entire forest with a chainsaw at night. It had woken up Clarke more than once, but if that happened, she usually got up to sit outside on her bench, with tea and drawing supplies at the ready for the sunrise.

Then Clarke noticed that Anya was staring at her questioningly. “What is it?”

“I said earlier on that I wasn’t drinking, but I have changed my mind. Could you make me another one of your amazing cocktails? I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She turned to leave, but Anya grabbed her arm.

“How come you’ve suddenly decided to drink? What happened?” she questioned, looking at Clarke directly.;

Clarke decided to just tell Anya what was up. “Ok, see those drunk girls over there?” she pointed at Raven and Octavia, who were now sloppily dancing together. Well, they were basically dry humping at this point. Clarke remembered that time when Octavia tried to convince her she was straight. Ha, no way, she didn’t believe it then, but now she had proof.

“Oh wow, ok. Raven is really going for it with your friend.” Anya chuckled.

“Anyway, I promised to walk Octavia home, but since this party’s happening at Raven’s place, I wanted to ask her if she’d rather just spend the night here. I don’t think that’ll be a problem now, though.”

…

As it turned out, Raven had already asked Octavia to stay, and it made Clarke very happy that her friends were having such a good time together. Hopefully, Octavia wouldn’t regret this in the morning.

After her quick talk with the pair, she returned to Anya, who had made two very interesting shots for herself and Clarke, which they both quickly downed. The shots were followed by more drinks and the rest of the night was basically a blur. Clarke vaguely remembered dancing and mouthing the words to ‘I will survive’, getting all of the words wrong.

Somewhere at the end of the night, though, something happened that made her almost instantly sober up. Anya and her had been hanging out like best buddies for the entire time they were there, laughing and dancing as if they’d known each other for years. In part, the alcohol was to blame for that, but the two had undeniably bonded. Now, they were just talking, slumped on the couch. Suddenly, Anya’s phone started ringing. Anya herself had fallen asleep, so in a surge of, well, drunkenness, Clarke picked up the phone.

“Hello?” she slurred.

_Hi, Anya, is that you?_

“Nooo, ‘s me. Clarke. Whaddup?”

_Oh. Well, is Anya there, Clarke? It’s kind of urgent._

“She’s all good, sleeping right here,” Clarke sloppily patted Anya on her head, but the girl remained soundly asleep. “So, who’s this?”

_Hi, Clarke, I’m Lincoln, Anya’s friend. I need you to listen very carefully, can you do that?_

“Sure, buddy. Cool name, by the way.”

_Ok, my friend Lexa just called me and told me she wasn’t feeling too well. I think she’s had a few too many, and she needs help. I tried asking her where she was, but before I could she’d already hung up on me. From the sound of it, she was outside. I’m not close to campus right now, or I would go myself, but you are, right?_

At this point, the story Lincoln was telling her had made her sober up quite a bit. Being out and about on your own at night, not to mention drunk, wasn’t exactly safe. Clarke knew she had to find Lexa and get her home safely, or it might end badly.

“I’m leaving to look for her now,” she responded, slurring her words a lot less than before, “Do you have any idea where she might be?”

_No clue, she didn’t tell me anything._

Lincoln sounded worried and annoyed at the same time.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think there’ll be that many girls lying in the grass at 3 am. I’ll find her. When I do, I’ll let you know, ok?”

_Thank you, honestly. I’ll look out for a text from you, Clarke._

“Ok, I’ve got to go now and save your friend! Bye, Lincoln.”

_Bye, Clarke._

…

The night had taken a turn, that was certain. Clarke would’ve never expected to be wandering around campus looking for a drunk girl in need of help at the start of it, but here she was. Luckily, campus wasn’t all that big, and it took only 5 minutes to find Lincoln and Anya’s friend, Lexa.

Initially she was very glad to see a girl passed out in the grass, an empty bottle of booze beside here. Soon, however, she recognised her, and her heart stopped. Oh no. Oh god, it’s her. Lexa is her. Her emerald green eyes had been haunting her ever since the day she’d seen them, and now, here she was, sprawled out on the ground, completely smashed. Well, this isn’t how Clarke had imagined them meeting for the first time. Those thoughts would have to wait, she had to make sure Lexa was actually still breathing.

Ok, she was. Clarke sighed in relief. Now to get her to wake up.

“Lexa.” She tried, softly. Nothing. A little louder now. “Lexa, wake up.” Again, silence. Clarke gently put her hands on Lexa’s shoulders – something that sent shivers down her spine. Goddamnit, Clarke, focus – and she shook the girl softly as she said “Lexa, wake up, please, I need to get you home.”

The touch of her hands was apparently enough, and Lexa rolled over onto her side, groaning.

“Hey there, I’m gonna get you home, ok?”

No response. “Lexa, can you sit upright for me?” Clarke tried, putting her hand on Lexa’s back ever so lightly. She tried to ignore the spark of electricity she felt when she did. The girl grumbled, but with the help of Clarke pulling her up, she managed.

“Do you feel dizzy, do you want some water?” Clarke asked worriedly, running through all the usual steps in her head. This wasn’t the first time she’d helped someone in this state. At that, Lexa shook her head, eyes closed and it looked like her neck had lost all of its strength, making her head sway from side to side. Clarke couldn’t completely suppress her laughter seeing that, and she let out a chuckle. It wasn’t like Lexa would notice anyway, she was basically on another planet right now.

She did notice, though. “Hey, ‘s not nice, ya know?” Lexa slurred with furrowed eyebrows, stretching every letter as if her tongue suddenly weighed a lot. “I’m sorry,” Clarke replied with a gentle smile on her face, “but let’s get you to bed, ok?”

“Good luck with that.” Lexa laughed, and even though Clarke really should be focusing on other things, she couldn’t help but notice that it sounded heavenly. “Ok, I’m pulling you up and then we’ll walk to your dorm.”

Clarke stood up, grabbed both of Lexa’s hands – they were softer than anything she’d ever felt before, and Clarke did not want to let go of them, not ever – and pulled the girl to her feet. Of course, Lexa’s sense of balance was nowhere to be found right now, and Clarke quickly slung her arm around the girl’s waist so she wouldn’t fall over. To Clarke’s surprise – and delight, I mean she would’ve never dreamed this – Lexa settled into her comfortably as they started walking and put her head on her shoulder, even though Clarke was at least 15 cm taller. It made for an awkward looking embrace, but Clarke couldn’t be happier.

They stumbled towards the dorms in silence, only interrupted by a few groans from Lexa, who clearly didn’t handle her alcohol well. Somehow, Clarke found it endearing. This beautiful girl with the fierce stare and the straight posture, who looked as if nothing could ever disturb her, was a lightweight. On top of that, she now had a grin plastered on her face, and it made Clarke’s heart warm with affection.

“So, where is your room?” Clarke asked as they arrived at the collection of dorm buildings. No response. Clarke looked down at Lexa and saw that she’d managed to fall asleep on her shoulder. Well, great. In all honesty, Clarke couldn’t be happier to be in her presence – especially like this, close, touching – but she knew she had to get Lexa to her room and to do that she needed to know where it was.

Before she could try and wake the girl, still soundly asleep on Clarke’s shoulder, a little voice in the back of her mind offered a solution. No, she couldn’t do that. Absolutely not, no way. She couldn’t just take her to Clarke’s own room, that would be weird, right? Besides, when Lexa would wake up in the morning, she wouldn’t have the slightest clue where she was and –

Clarke couldn’t deny that it was, in fact, the best thing to do. She would put her in Octavia’s bed, since she wasn’t there anyway – probably having a _great_ time at Raven’s – and she would explain everything in the morning.

Clarke decided to just do it, and so she started towards her own dorm building, Lexa pressed to her side – she managed to clumsily walk in her drunken daze, somehow, Clarke didn’t know how, but she was glad. It meant she wouldn’t have to carry her, which she probably couldn’t anyway.

They arrived at the door, after having to climb two flights of stairs to the second floor. Lexa had been cooperative – to the extent that she could – but she was like a human sized doll and Clarke had had to use all her strength to keep the girl from tumbling down.

Once inside, Clarke laid Lexa down very gently on Octavia’s bed and took off the girl’s shoes. She left the rest of her clothes on, no need to undress her. Also, the idea that she would be doing that without Lexa’s consent made Clarke uncomfortable, so she just left it.

She put a water bottle and some painkillers on the nightstand and pulled the covers over Lexa so she wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night, freezing (even though it was already the middle of the night). She looked at Lexa lovingly, she was lying on her side, eyes closed, mouth slightly opened. She looked peaceful, Clarke thought.

Then, Clarke changed into an oversized t-shirt, downed a litre of water to prevent a headache, brushed her teeth and went to bed. This night had taken an unexpected turn, yes, but Clarke wasn’t complaining. Her dreams were filled with Lexa – her deep green eyes, the weight of her head on Clarke’s shoulder, the scent of a flowery shampoo in her hair, the sound of her laugh. In her sleep, a smile stretched across Clarke’s face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a comment or hmu on tumblr @eva-blr
> 
> As always, @KewanKomTrikru is the beta to rule them all and I couldn't be happier :)
> 
> See you soon
> 
> \- E


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, so enjoy the next chapter!
> 
> \- E

She should’ve just said yes when Anya had asked her to go out. Then, Lexa would not have drunk an entire bottle of… Of what, actually? She couldn’t remember. What she did know, was that doing that made her feel even worse than was the case before and now she was lying on her bed, staring at the bland ceiling. It wasn’t the sorrow of Costia weighing her down. In fact, she had never felt lighter since her death, and that was exactly the problem. Lexa wasn’t feeling heavy or burdened anymore. Was it the alcohol? Maybe, maybe not.

(even in her drunken state Lexa knew very well it wasn’t the alcohol)

It bothered her, because the weight had become known territory for her by now. It had moulded and shaped her into who she was, and in a strange way she had found comfort in the always present pain. At least that wouldn’t ever leave her. Or so she thought, until now.

At some point, Lexa got tired of staring at her ceiling. The buzz in her head was fading too, and she needed it to last longer – dealing with the emptiness was something for another day, she convinced herself. Lexa scrambled to her feet, grabbed her phone and wallet and slammed the door behind her, stumbling through the hallways of her dorm on the way to the liquor store.

…

This was a bad idea and she was certainly going to regret this tomorrow. Technically it was already tomorrow, but who was paying attention? Exactly, no one. Especially not Lexa. In the store she’d just grabbed the first bottle she’d laid her eyes on, not caring about the flavour of the poison she was about to guzzle down.

(if she hadn’t been as intoxicated, Lexa would’ve seen it wasn’t all that strong)

She strolled around campus for a while, aimlessly, taking her time to enjoy the silence and solitude. When the dizziness got to her, she fell over onto a grass field. She giggled, which turned into laughter, cackling almost. If only they could see her now, Anya and Lincoln, rolling around in the grass, they’d think she’d gone mad. Hell, that’s what anyone would think. Lexa knew better, though. She was finally free. She downed the bottle in what seemed like one go and threw it aside, empty. There. That should do it, she thought. She stared up at the stars, lying on her back, the damp grass prickling her through her thin shirt. She wasn’t dressed for being outside at this hour, but the warm, tingling sensation from the alcohol made her feel as though she was.

She’d been lying there for a while when out of nowhere a wave of panic hit her. What was she doing? This wasn’t like her, not at all. She needed to get back to her room and sober up. The last thing Lexa wanted was to wake up on a grass field halfway through the day. She fumbled with her phone until she finally found the contact she was looking for. It rang. Once, twice… and then over to voicemail. Shit. Lexa tried again, but was frustrated when Anya didn’t pick up, again.

Lexa let out an exasperated cry. Why now? Was this karma for drinking this much? Probably. Then, she remembered she had more than just one friend (alcohol does some strange things to your mind) and dialled Lincoln. Luckily, he picked up almost immediately.

_Lexa? Why are you still awake, is everything alright?_

Linc, I’m not- I don’t feel so great,” Lexa sighed, being careful to wrap her mouth around the words as to not sound devastatingly drunk. She failed

_Lex, are you drunk? Don’t answer that, I know you are. Are you alone?_

“Yep,” she answered, plopping the ‘p’ with her lips. She giggled, but that slowly turned into a heavy sob and she started crying. “Linc, I know you’re not here right now, but could- could you fetch Anya to pick me up? Please? I don’t think-“ she paused to take a deep breath, “I don’t know if I can get home on my own right now.”

_Of course, Lex, of course. Have you called her yet? Did she not pick up her phone?_

“Nope,” Lexa replied, in a failed attempt to lighten the mood.

_Ok, I’ll try calling her and if she doesn’t pick up, I’ll come get you myself, but I do need to know where you are. Could you tell me that, Lex? Where you are?_

“I’m,” she paused. Where was she? “I’m on campus, but I don’t- no idea where,” she admitted.

_Ok, that’s ok, we’ll find you. On campus. Why are you there, though, Lex, what happened?_

Lexa wanted to answer that question, she really did, but now the tears were flowing and she had a lump in her throat and she was shaking and-

In her attempt to hold on to something, anything to keep her from falling apart, she gripped her phone too tightly, pressing the _end call_ button. After a while, she realised she hadn’t heard Lincoln ask again and in her drunken daze, she assumed he had hung up on her, making her sob even harder. Now she really was all alone. Lexa rolled into a little ball, trying to comfort herself. She lay there like that for a few minutes before she grew tired, her eyelids heavy. When sleep engulfed her in its warm embrace, she didn’t fight it.

…

Lexa awoke with a start, her head pounding and a drumming in her ears. Immediately she squeezed her eyes shut again and rolled over. She had vague memories of last night that made no sense – a touch, a warm body pressed against her own, the faint smell of soap mixed with sweat. It confused her, but Lexa figured she could ask Anya about it when she woke up again. There was no point in getting up with this kind of headache anyway.

What seemed like seconds later, she unwillingly opened her eyes, but to her surprise she didn’t see the familiar ceiling she was expecting to see. In fact, she had no clue where she was, which made her realise she was definitely not in her own bed. In shock she sat up, leaning on her elbows and started looking around the room. Shit. A clock on the wall indicated that it was 11:43, which meant she had missed her first – but luckily only – class of the day. Where the hell was she? Lexa started looking around the room, finding nothing familiar. Nothing familiar, except for-

Hold on, that couldn’t be. Across the room there was another bed where someone lay completely rolled up in their blanket apart from the fact that long and wavy blonde locks were splayed on their pillow. Lexa blinked and rubbed her eyes, not quite believing what she saw. Was that her? Was that the girl-

It was, it definitely was. Panicking, Lexa scrambled out of bed and started looking for her phone. Maybe she’d find an indication of what went on last night in her photo album, or her messages. After 5 minutes of hurried scanning, she found it lying on the nightstand, next to a bottle of water, some aspirin and a note. A note?

_I’m sorry for dragging you up here but you had to sleep somewhere. There’s water and aspirin if you need it._

_\- Clarke_

So that was her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? Let me know in the comments or on tumblr dot com!  
> (@eva-blr)
> 
> Thank you KewanKomTrikru, as usual ^_^
> 
> \- E


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